Write and Release
Lately I have been working on setting up my home office space; getting everything in order in preparation for the next venture in my life. During the process, I was also contemplating what I would write about this month. While clearing out this space I came across mementos that allowed me to rekindle memories and smile. One of those mementos led me to recall a moment from years gone by that happened one day as I walked to my car from work with a co-worker who is now an excellent friend.
This friend, after laughing at me when a flurry of handwritten notes fell from my pocket, called me “B. Rabbit.” Understanding his reference from the movie 8 Mile (the lead character was a rapper who was always writing lyrics on small pieces of paper), I realized that I do this a lot. I write. I write lists, notes, reminders, quotes, ideas… All the things. And I write them anywhere I can.
One of my mother’s favorite stories she tells about me is about a giant bucket of crayons I had as a kid. Apparently, when I was in trouble, my “punishment” was to take my crayons away. One day when this occurred she found me in the hallway writing all over the hallway walls with a BANANA! I have no idea what I was trying to say – I didn’t even know my letters yet – but based on all of the crayon scribbles that are in all of my childhood story books, I had things to say from an early age.
When I accepted the offer to write for the Held in the Heart Community Journal, I started examining the plethora of handwritten notes and journals that have accumulated over the years. I have never been a consistent journal-er, so I have notebooks with one page or several pages of things written down. Examining these things gave me quite the ah-ha moment. I never wrote about my feelings.
I kept lists, ideas, thoughts; but I didn’t ever write about my feelings, my emotions, or anything of real depth.
As I started developing these articles, I would prepare by writing my feelings. Because I had chosen to focus on spirituality and the church, I began writing out events that had always bothered me. I then took it to the next level and explored how those events made me feel, what emotions might come up, how those feelings made me feel in my body. And then the magic happened. I was able to process through the feelings, heal from the past experience, and let it go.
“Tears are words that need to be written.”
– PAUL COELHO
Sometimes it can be difficult to start writing. Along the way I learned about a process called Proprioceptive Writing from Flow Magazine. The basic exercise is to sit quietly for 20 minutes and write your thoughts; without judgment, without editing, without questioning, and – this is very important – without going back to read it AS you are writing. There is another important part of the process, as you are writing you ask yourself “What do I mean by …?” For an example, let’s say you write “I really love my cat.” Asking yourself “What do I mean by loving my cat?” allows you to get curious and start exploring the feelings and emotions associated with the thoughts that come up.
It really is that simple. All you need is a nice location, some music without lyrics (I found a Spotify playlist called Music To Write To // Starlight that I love), a timer can be helpful, and blank paper. Blank paper is better than lined paper as it allows you to flow more freely without being distracted by lines or a need to write in the usual fashion. Sometimes I will write in landscape or even diagonally on a page.
Writing has become an important healing tool for me and as I practice it more and more, I have been able to let so many things go that have held me back.
Because of my bitterness with the Baptist Church I attended so many years ago, I had excised spirituality from my life completely. Through my writing, I made the connections to those memories that still hurt, to the negative feelings that arose when I would even hear someone say “Have a Blessed Day”, and to the stifling oppression that the church symbolized to me.
Now that I have worked through those feelings and emotions, I have found peace, acceptance of the church as a space for others, and I’ve discovered a place for spirituality in my own life. It has made me whole. It has made me complete. It has brought me joy, gratitude, and opened my heart.
It’s so amazing what a simple thing can do for you. Today we live in a space where we have the freedom to write, the education to assemble words and sentences, and a country rich with access to paper and writing tools.
I invite you to find 20 minutes to try it. Just sit, listen to your thoughts, and allow the pen to flow across the page. The only thing you really have to lose by trying is some emotional baggage. Could you deal with releasing more of that from your life? I know I could, I did, and the load gets lighter with every stroke of the pen.
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!