A Good Fit vs. Fitting In
I made a challenging decision yesterday. I chose to step away from a coaching program I've been working with for the last several months. It wasn't an easy choice, or a hasty one. It actually took about 3 months for me to come to this decision. Here's how this sort of thing sometimes goes: We make a commitment. We dive in. A few months pass, and we get a feeling that says "Hmm.. maybe this is isn't for me..? Or maybe this just isn't the right time..." We stick with it anyway. (Because sometimes this feeling is just resistance coming up when the "thing" in question is probably something we really need.)
So we go on, and about a month later, the feeling arises again. We continue to stick with it anyway. (Yes, sometimes it is necessary to forge ahead.) Yet, another month later, the feeling comes around again. This time we actually take a deeper look and consider the options. We can continue to stick with it, or we can let it go. In this situation, both of these choices are absolutely right.
You see, there aren't really such things as "right" and "wrong" choices. Our job is to discern which is the "right" choice for us at the time, in any given situation or moment. We have to be connected with ourselves and our intuition and be willing to look within and be honest about our feelings, our patterns, what we need, what is serving our growth...
In this particular instance, I reflected on a personality trait I carry that has to do with "following through with commitment". I realized after some very thoughtful consideration, that part of why I was continuing on with this program was simply because I had made the commitment to do so. Now, there isn't anything inherently wrong with wanting to follow through. There's dedication in that, which is a quality that can serve one quite well in many circumstances. However, this time, it was actually hurting me.
Following through with the commitment, I realized, had become the sole reason I was continuing at all.
With this reasoning at the forefront, a dynamic was created where I was simply trudging through with feelings of obligation, rather than those of inspiration, motivation, or connection. I was leaking energy – the thoughts and time I was spending on the fence about it – were draining my life force, and frankly taking away from anything I could've actually been gaining from the experience in the meantime.
Now, it is important I clarify two things: One, I absolutely did gain value from the program, and I am grateful I participated in the ways I was able to. Secondly, working with a Coach is not about feeling "good" or "comfortable" all the time. They are in your life to push you to the next level, and I'm 100% on board for that. My own clients can certainly relate to this working with me!
Thus, this was not a decision based around "not feeling good" – in the sense that I was looking to or expecting to feel good throughout the duration of the program. It was a decision based on not feeling "right" for me, in my heart. It was about getting really real with myself. Am I wanting to "run away" from this because something in my old story is getting triggered around not fitting in? Or am I consciously choosing to let it go because this simply isn't the right fit for me? And truth be told, maybe it just isn't the right fit right now. There's nothing permanent that says I may not cross paths with this Coach again in the future. We must remain open to any possibility.
It is ok to change to our mind. When there is thoughtful consideration and brutal honesty with ourselves, and it comes from a place of clarity and truth in our heart, then we MUST be willing to change our mind. For the love of ourselves, we must be willing to choose what is best for us, even when it may mean not following through, or disappointing another in the process.
The pattern for me of feeling obligated or indebted to others comes from long ago. The more I grow through these instances and heal this part of myself, the less it shows up in my life. Yet, nowadays when it does show up, it is in more subtle ways like this one. Where it once was with family members or employers, it now peeks out from behind a spiritual teacher. The Universe isn't doing this to trick me. It's showing me subtler and subtler ways in which this dynamic can present itself, so that I can continue to practice, and refine my skills of discernment. Mastery is a life-long process of fine-tuning.
Even in the most enlightened possible human state, we will be offered opportunities to practice.
So know that it is ok to change your mind. It is ok to grow and plateau, and be complete with something and move on. It is absolutely necessary to make challenging decisions and let things go when they are no longer contributing to your life and your growth – especially in the instances when they are actually taking from you. Your Life-force energy is the most precious thing you have. Take note and be fiercely mindful of what you are giving yours to.
With Love & Grace, B.