Are You Fulfilling Your Dreams?
I have never thought of myself as a procrastinator, have you? In fact, I was always the one telling everyone else how not to be one! Lately, though, I am reevaluating that about myself. Give me an assignment, I’m you woman to get it done! And almost always before the deadline.
When I was finishing up my Bachelor’s degree in my 30s, classes were held every other weekend on Friday nights and all day on Saturdays. As soon as class was over on Saturday, I would start working on my homework and almost always had it done by the end of the day on Sunday. I had two weeks to complete it, but my philosophy was the sooner I got it done, then one, I didn’t have to worry about it over that 2-week period, and two, all those days after I finished were mine to do as I choose! I’ve always disliked having deadlines looming over my head, and they used to be a huge part of my stress and anxiety if I was pushed to the last hours to meet them.
Fast forward to retirement… My time is mine to do as I choose (aside from taking care of my two dogs, 13 chickens and a barn cat). There are still things I want to do, but I find myself procrastinating working on them. For example, I say I love being a writer and write for this Journal every other month. I offered to write someone’s life story and have other writing projects to work on, yet more often than not, I can’t bear the thought of sitting down at the computer to do these tasks. I ask myself, “Why?”
Since retiring, I’ve learned a few more things about myself.
I knew well before retirement I did not want to spend my time at a desk sitting behind a computer. I’d already spent 35 years doing that and the thought of it just makes me cringe! Though I do love to write, and I am good at working on computer-based things...
I’ve also learned I get bored easily with doing the same thing all the time, no matter what it is — it’s no wonder I always got the five-year itch at every job I ever held! I love to learn new things and am always seeking to learn and change things up by trying something new.
Before all this deep soul-reaching work I’ve done on myself, I would have labeled those things about me either good or bad, hence bestowing some sort of judgment on myself for lack of focus or telling myself I should be doing this or that. In fact, in writing this article I realize I actually did just that by reevaluating whether I am a procrastinator or not! Too funny!
I’ve always been very good at doing things for other people.
Whether it be work, school, family, friends, you name it — and the things I’ve wanted to do have always come last. Lately I’ve been seriously thinking of going to work part-time, which I did try for an entire day and a half back in October, but quickly realized that job was not for me — it was a cashier’s job, but required working all day on a computer. N.O. thank you! But it’s been in the forefront of my mind again for many reasons, and the most important reason for me is to give back.
In November, I made a volunteer commitment as secretary and board member for Autumn Trails Stables, a nonprofit 501c3 equestrian organization that offers therapeutic riding, a summer camp, and a program for veterans and first responders. And though I have held other officer board positions in the past, never for an organization like this. I’m just getting started here and looking forward to all the possible new experiences — especially since I love horses and have never had an opportunity to be around them! We could also use more help, if any of you are interested!
I’ve also mentioned in previous articles, I know I was a born teacher — whether that be in helping others with everyday life, major traumas, in an educational setting at my previous jobs, or teaching yoga or reiki. I originally started college to be an elementary school teacher and disliked the college so much, I changed schools and majors.
A couple of months ago, the Universe brought a childhood friend back into my life by way of a stray kitten. She and I hadn’t seen each other since around the 7th grade. And as the Universe would have it, we literally picked up like not a day had passed let alone 40-some years! She is an RN and works in one of the schools, so naturally some of our conversations have been about her work. This turned into me searching through the local education consortium, and I was shocked by all the jobs one could get in public schools.
I know for sure I don’t want to work full time and right now substitute teachers are desperately needed. I spent several weeks researching the requirements and going through the pros and cons. I decided to start the application process at the end of February for my 5-year substitute teaching license. I talked to some local teachers who confirmed that being a sub would be a win-win for me, as well as the schools for someone in my position. Just this week I was approved and I have already signed up for my first substitute jobs!
Before retiring, I’d always lived a pretty structured, routine-based life and on some level that gave me comfort.
Yet, something was missing. I truly enjoy a spur-of-the-moment event and have realized that brings me a lot of joy. So, now that my time is mine, I can fill it with anything I’d like and fulfill any dream I desire. Substitute teaching checks all of those boxes. In addition to doing what I love, days can be structured and spur-of-the-moment! It’s all about finding balance, learning, being still, and listening to what my heart and soul really want — and then taking action.
What are you waiting for? What are you doing to fulfill your dreams?
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!