It’s Mine, For Now
Not long after we moved into our new home, we went over to a friend’s house to get some plants. We dug up huge hostas to split and fill up our flower beds. There were some daylilies too. She also mentioned that we could take pieces of the peony bush. We gathered all of our newly acquired plants and began rehoming them all around our property.
I had experience with hostas and daylilies, but I had never grown peonies before. I dug up the flower beds and began putting everyone in their place.
The next spring something seemed off. None of the plants were growing like I thought they would. Overtime I discovered that the previous owners had a serious aversion to weeds. There were layers upon layers of paper and plastic trash bags deep within every single flower bed. It took me weeks, over a year or so, to get them all removed.
Ironically, even with all those barriers in place, there were still weeds to pull.
So, when I re-homed those plants, the roots weren’t getting into the earth because they were bound up by plastic trash bags. Once I got all that nonsense removed, I replanted them and they’ve done beautifully ever since… except the peony.
I replanted it in the original spot one summer. Then another year I moved it to a new spot. It started growing a little better, but then got trampled by the dogs. The following summer it was even taller but not producing any flowers. Finally, last summer, I discovered a couple buds and was so excited to see them blossom!
Wouldn’t you know…I was out of town when they decided to open up! Thankfully my husband sent me a photo. When I got home there were a few more buds opening up, but then our younger dog ran by and whipped one of the few buds off with his tail!
This year though… there were over a dozen beautiful blossoms! I let them open up on the stem and before they could fall over, I cut them off and brought them inside to enjoy. There were still plenty on the bush as well, so I could see the bright pink and smell that wonderful scent whether I was inside or out. Such delight!
The other day I was headed to a work gathering and I didn’t want to arrive empty handed. I found a small vase and was getting ready to cut some flowers when I thought to myself: I have spent years tending to this plant. It started out in my friend’s yard and over the last six years I’ve cared for it. I removed the barriers so that the roots could receive nourishment from the earth. I relocated it for better growth. I put a small fence around it to keep the dogs from trampling the new stems. I’m not ready to give these flowers away.
At first this felt a little selfish.
I mean, what’s the harm in sharing a couple flowers with friends? However, I began to understand that it’s okay to keep these flowers for myself right now. It’s okay to relish in their beauty in my home and backyard this spring. Next year I imagine there will be even more flowers blooming daily, and then I will be willing to share. But not yet.
I want to spend time honoring the work I put into these flowers. I want to pay attention to the work this plant did to root, stabilize and grow such gorgeous flowers. I want to give thanks for my patience over the years — that I didn’t just give up and toss the plant away. I recognized the potential and I was willing to put in the time and energy needed to see that potential come to life.
Right now I’m tending my own garden. There is a lot of work to remove unnecessary barriers, building up necessary protection, finding just the right spot and tending the soil for healthy growth. I’m fairly certain there are seeds in my garden, but right now I have no idea when I’ll see new growth. And, honestly, I don’t even know what is growing!
Photo by Chris Ensey
At some point though, there will be stems and blossoms. At some point I will see the results of all the tending I’ve done over the last few years. And, when those blossoms pop up, I want to take some time to honor them before I start giving them away. I want to give thanks for all the energy it took for them to come to life.
I don’t have to share all the beauty that blossoms in my life right away. It’s okay to hold some of it back just for me. I’m proud of myself for saying confidently: it’s mine, for now.
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!